Monday, July 5, 2010

How Fights Start

How Fights Start


My wife sat down next to me as I was flipping channels.


She asked, 'What's on the TV?'

I said, 'Dust.'

And then the fight started...


My wife and I were watching "Who Wants To Be A Millionaire" while we were in bed.
I turned to her and said, "Do you want to have sex?"

"No," she answered.

I then said, "Is that your final answer?"

She didn't even look at me this time, simply saying, "Yes."

So I said, "Then I'd like to phone a friend."

And then the fight started.....



Saturday morning I got up early, quietly dressed, made my lunch,

and slipped quietly into the garage.
I hooked up the boat up to the van, and proceeded to back out into a torrential downpour.

The wind was blowing 50 mph, so I pulled back into the garage, turned on the radio,

and discovered that the weather would be bad all day.

I went back into the house, quietly undressed, and slipped back into bed.

I cuddled up to my wife's back, now with a different anticipation, and whispered,
"The weather out there is terrible."

My loving wife of 5 years replied, "Can you believe my stupid husband is out fishing in that?"

And that's how the fight started...


My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary.


She said, 'I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 150 in about 3 seconds.'

I bought her a bathroom scale.

And then the fight started...


After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply for Social Security.

The woman behind the counter asked me for my driver's License to verify my age.
I looked in my pockets and realized I had left my wallet at home.
I told the woman that I was very sorry, but I would have to go home and come back later.

The woman said, 'Unbutton your shirt'. So I opened my shirt revealing my curly silver hair.

She said, 'That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me' and she processed my
Social Security application.

When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my experience at the Social Security office...

She said, 'You should have dropped your pants. You might have gotten disability, too.'

And then the fight started....



My wife and I were sitting at a table at my school reunion, and I kept staring
at a drunken
lady swigging her drink
as she sat alone at a nearby table..

My wife asked, 'Do you know her?'

'Yes,' I sighed, 'She's my old girlfriend. I understand she took to drinking right after

we split up those many years ago,
and I hear she hasn't been sober since.'

'Wow!' says my wife, 'who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?'

And then the fight started...

I took my wife to a restaurant.. The waiter, for some reason took my order first.
"I'll have the steak, medium rare, please."

He said, "Aren't you worried about the mad cow?""

"Nah, she can order for herself."

And then the fight started...

Beer drinkers